Oh SH*T
The only creatures that should defecate outside are animals. Not people. Definitely not people.
“TERDDLER: A toddler who is a turd. Does not listen. Emotionally unstable, bossy, messy, and very impulsive.”
The following is the actual text that I sent my husband one afternoon. The same text that he decided to instantly share with his colleagues in the meeting he was in at work. *Insert face palm emoji here.* It happened with the adorable child pictured above. On the very deck he is on. The text:
Let me share with you this morning’s events.
1. We came home to a HORRIBLE fishy and poop smell from the trash can. Definitely should have taken that out! 2. Hunter pooped his pants outside. It smeared in his shorts, down his leg, inside his shoes, and then he stepped in it. There was poop everywhere on the deck. We went inside to clean him up, and then poop fell onto the floor inside the house as well. He then stepped into that poop in his socks. So recap - SHIT IS EVERYWHERE - shorts, legs, shoes, body, socks, floor… I clean him up the best that I can, and then just throw some pants on him for nap. I’ll change the sheets tonight. Then, I go outside to clean the poop up, but I didn’t see the ball of poop that had rolled away from the main pile… stepped in it… squished up between my toes… then all the flies that I had just shooed away from the main pile of poop (like 50) all came back at the same time and landed on my head. I literally had flies that had, just seconds before, been walking around our son’s poop, On. My. Head. All I could do was stare forwards and think to myself, this is not real life. I have been sucked into a funny Eddie Murphy movie where things like this happen. Yet, here I am with poop flies on my head. Here is my mom card for the day.
***
I believe the take away from this is, if you haven’t stepped in poop at least once as a parent, are you even parenting? Let us raise a hand (or glass) in thanks for water hoses and/or antibacterial wipes. Or whatever your choice is for cleaning poop from in-between your little piggies. #whenlifewynnes #wynneadventures