Free Parking
Family time. An always joyous occasion full of doting spouses and obedient children. Where everyone sits around a table playing board games, while laughing in a pristinely clean home that includes an indoor pet. Oh wait, just kidding… thats a 1950s sitcom.
“Don’t let no small frustration ever bring you down. Just take a situation and turn it all around. With a new attitude everything can change. Make it how you want it to be. Stay mad, why do that? Give yourself a break. Laugh about it and you’ll see. Life’s what you make it. So let’s make it rock.”
Easter Sunday Morning 2019. A morning of the alarm clock not going off because I had turned on my week day alarm by accident in the bedtime app. A morning of trying to get two adults and two children out of bed and into the car in less than thirty minutes. A morning where even though I skipped breakfast in the rush out the door, and my toddler ate the last pop tart in the car en route to church, we still left the house once church had already started. Now you may be thinking that this turned into one of those family car fights that ended with fake smiles on our faces as we stepped out of the car in the church parking lot. But it wasn’t. It was a car ride full of laughter and getting in our worship music via radio because we knew we were going to miss all the music at church.
You may be reading this in complete disbelief. Thinking to yourself, no way was there not some tension. You would be correct. It was when I flew out of bed, realizing how late of a start we were getting, while my husband didn’t move a muscle, that the tension started. If looks. Could kill. It was also right about the moment that my husband popped into the bathroom to discover that I had just then picked up my curling iron. I know this because it was his turn to give me that killer look while he said something about whether or not I really had to do my hair. To which I informed him that I absolutely had to fix my hair. We exchanged eye contact, he walked away, and I proceeded with my legit five minute curls. (Side note: The T3 curling iron is a game changer. I can curl my hair in five minutes. Before the T3, it was at least a half hour.) Throw two tiny humans in the mix and there was absolutely some tension. Yet, once we got to the car the atmosphere shifted into joy instead of exploding. To explain why, I’m going to have to take you back a few years.
I was twenty-one weeks pregnant with my first child, and we were in Orlando Florida for our baby moon. I am a bit Disney obsessed but that is an entirely different post. I could actually probably make an entire blog about Disney because I really do love it that much! Anyways, moving on before I completely rabbit hole on you. We were about halfway through our vacation and starting to feel all the walking we had been doing. On top of that, we were on our way back to the hotel after a day at the park. Now, I couldn’t tell you exactly what was going on in the moments leading up to this. I honestly don’t remember any specific details other than the fact that we were trying to get back to the hotel, we were tired, and knowing us we were probably a bit snacky. That in itself is a dangerous thing because we all tend to get a bit hangry { HANG—GREE: Feeling irritable or irrationally angry as a result of being hungry.} in our family. Especially the boys. (Sorry boys, totally throwing y’all under the bus here.) Somehow, instead of ending up at the hotel, we miss a turn and end up at the entrance to Epcot. If you have been to Disney, you know that once you “enter” a park you are committed to keep driving through until you can reroute to the exit.
So in a tired and hangry state, we are trapped in the line to get into Epcot instead of pulling into the sanctuary that is our hotel. It was in this moment that the tension began to grow. I was at that point of knowing that I could say something like, “Oh yeah, you definitely knew where you were going,” and cause the delicate balance to explode. See, my husband has tendencies to miss turns or go the complete wrong direction. I sometimes ask him how he gets to where he needs to go whenever I am not in the car to remind him that the turn he is quickly approaching is the one he needs to take. Like I said, the tension was growing. My husband was visibly agitated and I knew my next words mattered. I can’t remember exactly what I said. I can tell you, that I remember that it was important to me to shift the mood into something that didn’t feel like impending doom. So I said something about how at least we get into the park for free (Because we were staying at a Disney property.). And how the poor guy that was working the parking booth was going to be confused when we quickly exited once we were able to get turned around. I’m fairly certain I rambled on more about this, because I have a tendency to not stop talking. Especially when I am trying to fix something.
As we waited those final moments for the car before us to pay their parking admission, you could have heard a pin drop in our vehicle with the lack of talking/breathing that was occurring. (Okay, that might be a slight exaggeration. Especially given that we were in Florida and the car AC was most definitely cranked up.) Once it was our turn, the parking booth attendant saw our tag in the window and waived us through. My husband drove the required distance before popping a U-turn. I have no idea if the parking booth guy actually noticed us exiting the park, but it felt like his eyes were on us. Watching. Wondering what in the heck we were doing turning right back around mere seconds after we entered the park in the first place. That could have had something to do with the brewing tension surrounding my husband and I. I remember feeling uncertain about what to say next, but my husband spoke up before I could. With his eyes fixed on the road ahead of him he declared, “Free parking! What a rush!” I swear to you in that moment, all the tension melted away, and we broke out into a fit of laughter.
So because I chose not to stoke the fire and my husband chose to accept my attempt to diffuse the situation, while we were waiting in the line of cars to enter the park, we LAUGH to this day about, “Free Parking! What a rush!” It has become a phrase we say to the other one when a situation is less than ideal. It helps us pause long enough to take a deep breath and laugh about whatever it is that is going wrong. To this day, it resets the tone of whatever sticky situation we are in.
I don’t know what made me choose the higher rode that day. One, I was pregnant. And well, pregnancy hormones…am I right? Two, that was So. Not. My. First. Nature. At that point in my life. My husband? Sure. If the situation were reversed, and I was the one who was real frustrated, thats totally a him move. But I think that’s what made that day so powerful to me. I got to see first hand how choosing not to say something snarky, because my tired - pregnant self had their feelings hurt by something the grumpy male said, was able to positively affect the remainder of our evening. Instead of that moment turning into a fight, we ended up laughing until all of the tension melted away, and we ended up making one of our favorite memories from that trip.
Funny, isn’t it? The moment that a Hannah Montana song lyric goes from totally cheesy, to profound, thought provoking, and philosophical. Or is that just me? Regardless, you get what I’m trying to say.
Some days living in a 1950s sitcom might sound one hundred percent appealing. Those days are usually the ones where you are ready to throw in the towel at nine-thirty AM. But let’s be real. Perfection day in and day out would be incredibly boring. As cheesy as those Hannah Montana lyrics above are, they are so true. The difficult part, is learning how to see the good in a less than ideal situation. Like absolutely EVERYTHING else in life, that type of thinking/reaction takes practice. I don’t think anyone stubs their toe, while already running late trying to get everyone to school, and says, “Oh gee, I am so glad that my big toe is throbbing!” But in that moment of pain, you get to choose.
Choice One: Hop around spewing a string of curse words. In the midst of the chaos, yelling at your children (who still have not gotten their freaking shoes on), and then letting the negative downward spiral of guilt and tardiness spill over into the remainder of your day. That type of negative energy drains you and can quite literally suck the life out of you. So by that evening, you are just emotionally and physically done.
Choice Two: Sucking in a BIG gulp of air and uttering a curse word (or two) under your breath. Because let’s get real. That. Really. Hurts. And then - wait for it - CHOOSING to laugh about it, while hopping around on your un-assaulted foot, as you hold the victimized appendage in your hands like you would a baby duckling. Yes I said choosing, because it is One. Hundred. Percent. Your. Choice. Even if that choice feels as unnatural to you as running a marathon does to me. There was a time where running for even thirty seconds straight seemed like the most ridiculous idea in the world. Now I can chase my child at least halfway around the block. Building in evening walks while the kids slept and adding more family activity, paved the way for me to up my cardio routine. (Still not saying a marathon is currently achievable.) You get to choose to take the baby step that points you in the right direction. You get to choose one small change at a time that helps you get closer to the goal you want to achieve. It’s a choice. The ability to do hard things is a choice. The more you choose a positive reaction, the easier and more natural it becomes.
Now let’s go back to Easter Sunday. We had not been to actual church since, well I honestly don’t even know. Total transparency, between my struggle with Postpartum Depression, the newborn quarantine/lack of sleep phase, and each of my children’s hospital stays, it’s probably been close to about a year. So we were determined to get back to church for Easter. To make this extra fun, my baby refuses to sleep anywhere but his crib. Therefore, our only option was the 8:00 AM service in order for us to be home for his naps. (Cue laughter from anyone that knows us. We are not morning people.) So we left our house at 8:05 AM and made it just in time for the message. You know from the earlier details that my husband and I definitely had a little bit of tension growing in the family atmosphere while trying to make it to the car once church had already started. Yet, thanks to our many years of practice, once everyone was buckled in, we took that much needed deep breath, looked at each other, smiled, and then said, “Free Parking. What a rush.”