Tarjet (tar-jey) : What people refer to as Target, the shopping center, to make it sound designer and deluxe. {Per Urban Dictionary}

What is it about Target that no matter how much clarity you have before walking in, your mind turns into some sort of Tarmbie (A Target Zombie. Yes, I just made that up. Feel free to quote me.) the moment you step foot into the actual store? I mean, I know that it cannot just be me because there are far too many funny Target memes addressing the same thing.

Case in point. This morning, after dropping my oldest off at school, I made a Target run to pick up an extension cord and some Tone It Up protein. In my opinion, it is the best protein on the market for ingredients and flavor combined. The problem is that the only place that carries it here is the local Target. In the five minutes it takes me to drive to Target from my child’s school, I have repeated protein and extension cord in my mind no less than 105 times. It was the mantra I used to try to keep my mind focused on the task at hand. I even went as far as to put my infant’s seat into the stroller attachment, so that I had a limited amount of space to add items. I was intentionally avoiding the Target shopping cart that I swear to you rivals the Marry Poppins bag when it comes to how many things you can add to it.

I walk in strong and determined. Then boom! The Target vortex sucks me in and my mind goes into Tarmbie mode. “Pretty thing. Shiny thing. Must have all the things!” Holy adrenaline rush of a mind scramble. If that last sentence doesn’t make sense to you, then you clearly have more will power than me. You also clearly cannot be trusted. Anyone who can walk into a Target and stay completely focused, is some sort of an untrustworthy super human.

By the time I make it to the section that I actually need to be at, my baby stroller has three foam light up sticks, two magnetic travel games, and a bottle of soap. My logic for obtaining these items is sound. Let me explain. My toddler loves to play swords, but usually gets told not to play swords with the item he has chosen. Clearly he needed the foam sticks to safely play swords in the house. So that no one misses out on the fun, I get one for my toddler, my husband, and myself. Hello family quality time! The fact that they light up is just an added bonus. Anything that glows instantly takes me back to childhood-summertime-awesomeness. Given that summertime is just around the corner, those wonderful foam sticks full of childhood magic were that much more appealing. As for the magnetic travel games, we leave for a trip to one of our favorite spots next week and the travel games seemed like the perfect activity to keep my toddler occupied while the baby naps at the hotel. They are small, and therefore easily packed, with magnetic pieces to help keep the toddler from losing part of the game. Makes sense, right? Finally, the soap. It is my current favorite and it’s a seasonal item for spring. We just used the last little bit of the one we had at the house and needed a replacement. See, all valid reasons for my purchases!

At this point, I run into a friend that I haven’t seen in far too long. Getting to chat with her gave me an energy boost similar to the one Mario gets when he runs into the star that sends him into a speedy, glowy frenzy. With my post friend energy boost, I pick up the protein that I actually went for. Points on the board for that one. Then I swung around to grab the extension cord before I could forget it. Double bonus points for getting both items that I originally needed. Right after I leave the extension cord isle, I get distracted by something (what i’m sure was a real beam of light) sucking me into the office supply section. I am such a sucker for the trendy looking office supplies that Target carries! I managed to only get some new floral file folders. Although, the planner almost made it into the baby stroller as well.

I decide to leave that section of the store before anymore damage can be done. I also decide that my best bet is to just make it to the exit before I can get distracted by anything else. In theory, it was a great plan. In reality, walking through the baby section to get to the cash registers was too much of a temptation. When I saw the lightweight overalls shorts that came with a bandana instead of a shirt, I was done. Images of a squishy, chunky Lincoln in those overalls was too much for my mommy hormones to handle. I asked my little squish if he needed them, answered my own question, then threw them into the stroller. {Side note: If you ever run into me in RL, you can pretty much guarantee that you will find me having full blown conversations with my baby.}

I have totally, completely, and one hundred percent abandoned my mission of a quick exit. The tiny baby overalls caused me to reach top level Tarmbie status, and I’m not sure that I had any logical thoughts coursing through muh brain at that point. I’m now floating through the summertime seasonal section, about to grab all the things, when a baby yawn causes my attention to snap back to reality. It was a quick snap of the head, abrupt stop, and that interrupting music sound effect kinda moment. In my head I heard, “Abort mission! Must hurry and get home before baby falls asleep in the car! Oh please don’t take the five minute car nap! I bet I can distract the baby with the windows rolling up and down for a portion of the drive.” When it comes to my kids naps, my internal monologue can get a little dramatic.

I am like a horse headed to the barn. Nothing focuses me more than trying to prevent my baby from taking the five minute car nap instead of a TWO HOUR crib nap. I seek out the shortest line, which today was the self-checkout, and then get everything to my car as quickly as possible. Shoutout to the littlest Wynne for getting me focused and out of that store! I am happy to report that I made it home in time to get the little human into his crib. He did in fact take a two hour nap. #momwin