I’m five months from my 35th birthday. I don’t know why, but the approaching mid-thirties birthday feels like the final farewell to my youth. It feels like this big pivotal moment in my life is approaching. (Though the reality is it will probably be another day that comes and goes.) Regardless, it has me reflecting on life and the journey that has lead me here.

Hindsight is 20/20. It is also bittersweet. The ability to look back once you are older and wiser and see the outcomes of the decisions and choices you have made. Maybe you look back and smile. Maybe you look back and wish you could have done it differently. The thing is, every decision you made and every choice that was yours lead you to where you are today. All the big and little decisions acting like stepping stones that got laid one at a time. They formed the path that became the road map of your life.

So what choices did I make? Which ones do I look back at and grin and which ones do I wish I could change. The answer, all of it and none of it. There are definitely things that I wish I would have done differently. But each of those things taught me something. Each of those things built a level of resilience that prepared me for something else down the road. Life isn’t fair. It has no guarantees. It is truly what you make it. It is choosing in the face of adversity and trials to find the joy, to find gratitude. Easier said than done? Certainly. Necessary? Absolutely.

If there was a way to send a letter to my younger self, a way to get a message back to younger me, what would it say? Would it give me instructions on how to avoid the terrible choices I made? Would it give me a guide book on how to avoid the heartbreak and to make the decisions that would set me up for success, happiness, and popularity? Would it give me the wisdom to avoid the crippling levels of anxiety I have experienced throughout the years? The answer - no. In life, you have to take the good with the bad. You have to find a way to choose joy even when it is difficult. You have to be able to roll with the punches, both figuratively and literally.

As parents, that’s one of the things we take seriously. For our young boys, we call it flying your spaceship. We ask them, “Who is in charge of flying your spaceship?” The answer is always themself. Right now it is things like frustration when one of them doesn’t want to play with the other. Frustration when they have to do chores or not get to do what they want, not get what they want. These frustrations feel big to them. They lead to anger, tears, and an array of other emotions. Teaching them to own their emotions, their feelings, and teaching them to take a deep breath and find a solution, even when it isn’t easy or fun, is building resilience in them. It’s building the foundations that will set them up for success as teenagers and adults. Life has no guarantees. The only things that are for certain are that things will eventually be hard and frustrating. Teaching them to choose joy and to find their way out of the mess now, will help them find joy and their way out of the bigger things later on in life.

So what message would I send back to my younger self? It would say something like there will be highs and there will be lows. There will be moments that make your heart sing and moments that break your heart. It would say that my best advice to get through it all is to look for the joy. Search for the happy even if you have to dig it up to find it. I would tell myself that one way or another, things tend to work themself out. That stressing about something that may or may not happen only makes you worry about something that will never happen or make you end up worrying about the same thing twice. That the only thing you can do is push forward, straight through a situation. That going through it is always the best way out even if it sucks - like really sucks as you trudge through. It would end with telling younger me to enjoy the ride and not try to grow up so fast. To take the chances and make the mistakes because that’s how you grow and that’s how you learn. And maybe, just maybe, I would tie it all up with a little gold nugget. Hint that I get the guy, and the kids, and the white picket fence. But just maybe. ;)

With all the hindsight your thirties bring, I wouldn’t spoil the journey for my younger self. I wouldn’t rob myself of the heartache and growth opportunities because it all lead me right here, to where I am today. I wouldn’t have found not only the love but also the NEED for Jesus that I have without it all. I wouldn’t have found the fiery determination that lights my soul on fire that only came through walking through the yuck and surviving it. I wouldn’t appreciate the friendships that I have found like I do. I wouldn’t be ready to trudge right through uncomfortable confrontations. I wouldn’t be determined to change the world or believe that I could do it.

All that said, is it all sunshine and rainbows now? Does all the growth, change, and life learnings make every day a breeze? Am I a flawless Wonder Woman with no insecurities or shortcomings? **Excuse me while I laugh at my hott mess of a self** No. Not even a little bit. I still fail, in epic ways, in different arenas of my life. I still have moments that I look back and think wow, that was not the nicest or best thing I could have done. I still fail, cry, get my feelings hurt, and yell at my children on tough mornings when my fuse is short and we are running late. I am STILL HUMAN. The difference — grace. I give myself grace through it all. I take a deep breath, dust off my pants, apologize when necessary (even when it is uncomfortable), and push forward. I look for the joy, the happy, the gratitude. I own that I fly my own spaceship and pause to give it oil and/or maintenance when needed.

I might not be able to actually write a letter to my younger self, but I can write a letter to you. I can tell you that one way or another, things work themself out. I can tell you not to worry about the same thing twice (worrying about something before it happens) because that is just a waste of energy. It either happens or it doesn’t, and either way you have to find a path forward. I can tell you that you and only you are in charge of flying your spaceship. That you are the only one who ultimately makes the decisions and choices that affect your life. Finally, I can tell you to look for the joy, to look for the happy, and the gratitude in every moment. Because what you focus on becomes the center point that focuses your life. The bad will come. The yuck and hardships will come. But when you are centered and focused on the joy, you’ll find that your spaceship flies a little smoother through it.

So go and live like there is no tomorrow. Find your joy. Find your happy. Choose to look for the good even in the middle of the yuck. You are the flyer of your spaceship and how you choose to fly it determines everything.

XOXO

Brittany